


Phoenix Rising

by Constance_Lirit



Series: Billy and Lucy Crystal [1]
Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 12:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12432615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constance_Lirit/pseuds/Constance_Lirit
Summary: Crystal and Lucy decide to go to a Rick themed resort, for a week long Rick experience, following Crystal's divorce. There a guest can partake in drugs, booze, sex, and a Morty Petting Zoo; everything a guest needs to experience a day in the life of a Rick.





	1. The Rick Experience

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is a Rick and Morty fanfic (my first R&M themed one) I'm just putting a secondary warning here that there's excessive drug and alcohol abuse throughout the entire story, lol. Everyone's an alcoholic druggy for a week.  
> Phoenix Rising is essentially a prequel introduction into who Crystal and Lucy are, and how they know of Ricks' and Mortys'. I intend to make more, probably shorter, stories with them as the protagonists as well... But we'll see how that goes, I've other R&M ideas I want to pump out before I throw sequels into the shark tank.

Silently a ship darted through the endless expanse of space, the small metal construct slipping past loose asteroids as the pilot sat in silence. Her eyelids hung halfway down her eyes as she stared out at the pitch black landscape from an angle, her hand tapping off of the leather fabric of her armrest as music hummed gently in the background. Slipping her other fingers down a long lock of fiery orange hair for the umpteenth time that hour the woman drew her eyes from the nothingness they had grown accustomed to to the ends of her hair through her square-rimmed glasses. Split ends and warped strands stared back.  
Sliding open with a rusty scrape the silence was broken by the door to the ship’s cabin.  
“Ugh, what time is it?” a groggy voice questioned as a shadow drifted in over the already dimly lit floor grates.  
“Quarter to five.” she answered simply, pulling herself away from the arm rest to sit up straight.  
“Are we any closer to our destination?” the blonde asked, stumbling forward and into the co-pilot chair, the leather huffing as air escaped the foam filling.  
“Seven hours.” the redhead informed her, pulling a long thin needle out from the back of her neck where the skull met her spinal cord.  
“Do you think the resort will be interesting?” her companion asked, looking out the window to see if there was anything other than rocks and purple gas clouds to look at.  
“I don’t know. You’re the one that said ‘let’s go on an all inclusive trip to the Citadel of Ricks for their big “Rick Resort” attraction… Shouldn’t you know what we’ll be expecting?” the redhead responded simply, raising her hand to draw forth a holographic map.

Upon the hologram, and amongst the various little notes informing the reader as to what certain things were, was a little green dot that flickered as it moved; an indication as to where they were, whilst their destination was displayed as a small, stationary red dot on the other side of the map.  
“If you ask me this whole thing sounds fishy as hell, Lucy. Ricks' are supposed to be a very secretive group of people trying to avoid being found by the Galactic Federation. Why would they advertise their location?” the woman questioned, the skin which formed two creases between her eyes fading as she pursed her lips together into a frown. She had brought this up several times with her sister, and every time she either got no response or a completely irrelevant answer. Which it would be this time was up for debate.  
“Oh stop fussing, Crystal. The brochure says it’s a non-related planet that they built a resort on. From what I heard it’s not even run by any Ricks’, the staff are all aliens. Ricks’ only show up for little events.” the blonde explained, her brown eyes darting across the brochure she had left wedged between the armrest and cushion.  
“I still think a holiday to Franfregru would be a safer holiday than this.” Crystal grunted, getting up to stretch, her stiff joints clicking. “I’m going to go shower, the ship’s on auto-drive until I get back.” the redhead uttered, tutting when the rusty door got halfway and then became jammed. “Maybe a Rick can fix this hunk of junk.” she murmured, squeezing herself through the small opening in the door to get out into the tiny corridor.

Further down the corridor Crystal banged her head off of a low laying pipe and cursed dryly, her eyebrows crinkling together at the dull pain. Muttering as she rubbed her brow the redhead pushed the button on a door and waited for it to open, when it refused to budge she sighed and hooked her fingertips into the small gap and forcefully yanked the door open, revealing a room no wider or higher than a closet on its side, its only contents being a cot with two tiny storage drawers underneath. Pulling out a set of clothes, which had been tightly packed into the drawer, Crystal stood up, banging her head off of the door frame in the process.  
“For fuck sake.” she loudly hissed, her nails digging into her clothes as she tried not to lash out at any inanimate objects. The sooner they got to this resort the better.

A couple of hours later the girls were still sitting in their chairs; Lucy had put on the television and was scouring the infinite interdimensional channels for something to watch, while Crystal was back to sitting bolt upright in her chair with several needles and wires hooked up to slots down her spine.  
“Crystal, is there any possibility we could go just a little bit faster? I mean, so we’re not being over taken by stationary objects?” Lucy questioned, feeling as though they had not moved even an inch since last she had checked the map. Crystal did not reply. “Oh damn, it’s that Strawberry Sniggles advert. I don’t get how it makes you want the cereal but I reaaaally want some.” the blonde whined hungrily, stopping on one of the channels to see the recognisable rabbit-eared leprechaun.  
Flicking further along the blonde stopped on a show she had not seen before.  
“When Cars Kill.” she read aloud, only to watch a guy washing his hands in a nightclub toilet sink. That was about as normal as it got however, as when he turned around there was nothing but two blinding white lights and the sound of a novelty horn before it rammed him over and killed him. “Oh my god!” Lucy gasped. “H-How did a car even get into that bathroom?” she asked, as if that was the major question here.

Later into the show there was a happy family just enjoying their dinner when a car comes in flapping the hood.  
“Okay, so it’s about cars murdering people… But now it’s like the cars are like… actual people? Are they supposed to be an actual race? Do they have rights?- Oh my god, it just poisoned that entire family with petrol by pretending it was cola!” Lucy informed her sister, however Crystal was unable to actually hear or see what she was screaming about. Hearing a beeping noise Lucy glanced to her left, her eyes widening. They had finally arrived at their destination. “Finally!” she cheered, turning off the television and strapping herself in like a giddy school child.  
Leaning against the glass on the side panel of the cabin, to look out at the planet below, Lucy examined the blue landscapes and vague signs of pink lakes and rivers. It was clearly a tiny planet at first glance, with the resort in clear view. Towards the top of the planet was a statue of what she presumed was the Rick that founded the place, its metallic form standing tall like the Statue of Liberty.  
“Geez, these guys are pretty vain, huh?” she questioned, the ship stopping at the back of a queue to wait to get through the first security measure in place. “Ugh, we spend a week flying here in this rust bucket and now there’s a queue?” she huffed, flopping back into her chair.

A good thirty minutes later the pair had finally gotten past the three levels of security, their ship popping and banging as it lowered itself crookedly towards a space in the parking hanger. The noise making several aliens and people turn their heads to look at it, while some made it their top priority to steer clear and make a lot of distance when the legs unfolded out from below the ship and made first contact with the ground, every inch of the ship creaking and moaning as the legs began trying to take the weight.  
“Oh geez.” a Morty car-intendant commented from the side lines, staring at it as a panel fell off and hit the concrete with a metallic bang.  
“The fifth cycle called, they want their ship back!” one of the alien guests goaded, watching as a platform fell from below the ship and hit the ground, revealing a ladder.  
“Oh my god, it has a ladder! Who uses ladders any more?” someone gawked, watching as a blonde woman slid down and turned to have a look around.  
“Crystal, hurry up!” Lucy shouted back up the ladder, the light that barely lit up the corridor flickering.  
“Stop rushing me, I had to turn everything off.” her sister retorted, hitting her sister over the head with one of two bags she had thrown down towards the ground below. 

Clambering down to stop beside her sister and start patting her jeans down Crystal ignored her sister’s complaining and went about making sure her ship had survived the landing, which only made her sister even more aggravated. Eventually the redhead was ready to go inside, the pair having to ignore quite a few people staring at them as they headed for the entrance.  
“I told you we should have bought a new ship...” Lucy whispered, clearly embarrassed.  
“We’re not selling Cirrus.” Crystal stated defensively, to which her sister rolled her brown eyes.  
“I’m not asking you to sell it, I’m saying we need a better means of travel.” the blonde reiterated, stopping to wait in yet another queue.  
“Welcome to Rick- Rick Land, just one more security barrier and you’re in the resort!” a Morty greeted the two women.  
“Aw, oh my god, look Crystal, it’s a Morty!” Lucy gasped, gawking at the small brunet in a yellow shirt. “He’s so cuuuuute.” she cooed, whilst her sister just groaned and pushed at her back to go through the machine.  
“Leave the poor kid alone.” she sighed, while the Morty just stared at the two women in mild confusion.

Stepping through the machine Lucy listened to it whirl and click, thankful to not have set it off. Stopping she turned to wait on her sister, the redhead wandering through only to have the machine start screeching, the noise causing a rather lazy and sleepy looking Morty on the other side to jump, fumble with his clipboard and scurry over to the offendee.  
“I-I’m sorry but you- you can’t enter the resort.” he apologised, stopping her with his clipboard to keep her inside the machine.  
“Oh come on.” the redhead groaned, flinching when two arms came out and shoved a hat on her head while the Morty was flipping through his notes for guidance. Quickly Crystal’s startled expression became relaxed, her body loosening up a little.  
“Oh my god, what did you do to her?” Lucy asked, staring at the accessory on her head that was shaped like the top half of a Morty’s head.  
“A-Anyone considered a threat by Ricks’ assessment device has to- has to wear a Morty Cap.” the young boy tried to explain, however having never had this happen before he was not sure what the right procedures were. Did it even say what exactly a Rick classed as a threat?  
“It’s a low grade synaptic dampener. Your partner is now no more dangerous than a Morty.” a new, wise voice informed them, the pair turning to look at a Rick who was dressed in a fancy white coat and being escorted by two other Ricks with guns and military style gear.

Gasping Lucy’s eyes began to shine somewhat, not only had they met two Morty’s in the space of three minutes but they had now had the pleasure of meeting three Ricks!  
“Is she going to be okay?” Lucy questioned, watching Crystal frown, blink a little and seemingly regain some of her own thoughts.  
“It’s a bit of a shock to the system at first but she’ll regain most of her wits in under an hour.” Rick assured her.  
“So are you the owner of the park?” Lucy asked curiously. “Which Rick are you?” she then asked straight after, clearly having no issue with asking any questions that came to mind.  
“Yes, I built this park, and I’m Quantum Rick.” he introduced himself, acting the ladies man by taking Lucy’s hand and kissing her knuckles.  
“Ohhh.” the blonde responded with delight, vain these Ricks’ were but Casanovas’ they could be.  
“Morty, stop holding up the other guests!” Quantum Rick then ordered, causing the boy to flinch and whip round to get back to work.  
“N-Next please.” he stammered as he shouted, trying to corral the rowdy guests through the machine once more.

Being led to the living quarters of the resort Quantum Rick stopped by the entrance, taking Lucy’s hand to kiss it again.  
“Now, if you excuse me, my fine ladies, I have to be elsewhere. Do enjoy the festivities.” he purred, one half of his monobrow lifting as he stared into the blonde’s eyes.  
“Ohh, you’re such a lady killer.” she chuckled shyly, watching the three Ricks’ walk away thereafter. “I’m enjoying this holiday already.” she then acknowledged, turning to look at Crystal who was standing there carrying all the bags in a tipsy manner. “I hope you liven up a bit… This wont be much fun for you if you act like that all week.” she huffed, leading her sister into the building to check themselves in.  
Taking a look at their rooms Lucy first brought Crystal to her suite, which was directly beside her own. It was a modest room with a double bed that rested against the centre of the back wall, to the right of the bedroom was an open built kitchen and to the left there was a door leading to the bathroom (the bathroom only being comprised of a shower, small tub and a sink.)  
“Much better than that ship of yours, aye?” the blonde asked jokingly, dumping Crystal’s bag at the foot of the bed and setting her sister down on the side of the mattress to let her sleep off the temporary effects of the hat.

Going to her own room she found it was exactly identical, right down to the tiny chocolates on the pillows.  
“Uuuughhhh.” she groaned, flinging herself at the bed and shovelling her face into the soft, comfy covers. “This… is heaven...” she sighed, rolling over to see a television. Searching for the remote the woman checked if they had interdimensional cable before sitting down on the foot of her bed. ‘Guess I’ll watch television until Crystal wakes up. She’ll be annoyed if I do something without her then not want to do it a second time.’ Lucy internally acknowledged. Some hours later Crystal awoke to her sister poking and prodding her, the redhead grumbling and scratching her head through the fabric of the Morty Cap as she rolled onto her back and looked up at her.  
“Wakey wakey… If you get up now we can go have dinner in the restaurant downstairs.” she informed her sister, who only gave her a groggy expression as she sat up.  
“Why- Why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a bag of rocks?” Crystal asked, wearily getting to her feet.  
“You’re wearing a Morty Cap, it’s supposed to make you like… less of a threat or something.” her sister explained, dragging her from her room thereafter to get her down to the restaurant.

Sitting down at a table for two the girls looked over the menu, the pair pretty surprised to find so many options there for them to choose from.  
“Geez, this menu is insane; they even sell grilled Shmoopy-Doop here!” Lucy gasped. “I am ordering that.” she then stated firmly, lowering her menu to see her sister was still scanning for something she would want to eat. “Apparently we use this box to create a Mr. Meeseeks to fill out our request.” she then added, pressing a button on the box and summoning a blue creature.  
“I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!” it shouted, waving its arms eagerly at the girls.  
“Oh wow, it just appeared out of nowhere.” Lucy gasped, looking it up and down.  
“What can Mr. Meeseeks do for you?” he asked, looking between them eagerly.  
“I’d like a Rick Sanchez.” Lucy requested.  
“I’ll have the uh… The Virgin Morty.” Crystal uttered, unable to see anything that did not have any alcohol in it, but then this was supposed to be the Rick experience.  
“She’ll have the Rickity-Rekt!” Lucy butted in swiftly, watching the Mr. Meeseeks begin to salute and shout again.  
“Yes siree!” it accepted in a shrill voice, scuttling off to go get them their drinks.  
“What the hell, Lucy?” the redhead snapped.

Rolling her eyes Lucy tutted at her sister.  
“C’mon, Crystal, you’re supposed to be on holiday. Let loose.” she told her off.  
“I am letting loose.” Crystal frowned. “I’m just not much of a drinker, you know that...” she reminded her.  
“Pft, you can forgo alcohol the other three-hundred-and-fifty-eight days of the year. What’s a bit of boozing on your week off?” Lucy coaxed, still trying to break her sister in.  
“Fine… But only one glass.” Crystal finally gave in with a sigh.  
‘… That was easier than usual. That hat really does work wonders.’ Lucy silently thought, grinning from ear to ear at her sister.  
Having their meals the pair shared their food from time to time when one thought something tasted amazing.  
“I totally see why you can’t put a Shmoopy-Doop in a room with a Floopy-Doop. That was some damn good eating.” Lucy uttered, patting her stomach and leaning back on the wooden chair. “How’s your Shwoon-Shroom soup?” she asked, seeing that her sister was still eating.  
“It’s really- really nice. I could eat endless amounts of this- this stuff.” she stammered, finishing off her meal to then have a sneaky glance at the dessert menu resting in the metal stand in the centre of their small, circular table.

Lucy of course caught that flick of her eyes and picked up the menu to sway it slowly from side to side whilst clasping the corner between her index finger and thumb.  
“Hooooliday.” she drawled, watching her sister slowly reach out, albeit hesitantly, and take the menu.  
“Holiday…” she murmured.  
“That’s the spirit.” Lucy agreed, grabbing the second dessert menu to see what she wanted.  
“Oh my god, they sell Smiggle ice cream with Shwim-Shwam sauce.” Lucy uttered, making sure there was nothing that sounded even better before putting down the menu to slap the Mr. Meeseeks button again and make their next request.  
“I’m Mr. Meeseeks!” it shouted as Crystal continued to look at the menu.  
“The Fwoopy Fwamble waffles look nice… ‘May induce side effect: inability to lie’.” she uttered, spotting a small footnote just beneath it in small print.  
“That sounds pretty harmless in comparison the Yummy’ Yums yum-yums, it says there’s small traces of purgenol in it that can cause you to become aggressive and violent.” Lucy informed her.  
“I’m surprised they sell that here con-considering the whole Morty Cap stuff.” Crystal acknowledged.  
“It says small traces so I guess it’s not enough to harm you.” Lucy assured her, spotting the waiter out the corner of her eye.  
“What’s my order?” the Mr. Meeseeks asked, not looking too bothered by his wait but not looking as happy as when he first appeared either.  
“Two more Rickity-Rekts, a Fwoopy Fwamble and a Smiggle ice cream with Swim-Shwam sauce, please!” Lucy requested eagerly, grinning from ear to ear.  
“Caaaan do!” he squealed, leaving them alone again.

Having their desserts the pair finally left the restaurant and made their way to another part of the resort for a new arrivals meeting, there they were able to mingle with a few of the other guests and pick up specially made portal guns that would allow them to freely travel to and from any part of the resort.  
“Using these specially made portal guns you to can be just like a Rick and transport yourselves to different parts of the park. The gun is set up with a fail safe that wont allow you to go anywhere outside of the resort grounds.” a spokesman explained, while the guests ooed and awed at the guns they had been given. Quietly Crystal examined her own gun with mild curiosity, she would definitely have to play with this device once she had a minute to herself.  
“This is so fun. They even gave us our own personal brochures that tell us the exact cords for our rooms, we don’t have to walk anywhere ever again.” Lucy stated eagerly, deciding to try the gun right away by firing it at a wall before proceeding to walk through without a second thought.

Stood there, staring at the portal, Crystal raised her hand and pressed the flat of her palm against the warbling blue creation. Pulling her fingers away from the almost liquid like structure the substance stuck to her skin until she pulled her hand far enough away that it snapped back against the portal surface.  
“Intriguing isn’t it?” a Rick asked, gaining her attention. It was that white coated one again with the big puffy hair.  
“It’s different.” she replied, glancing down at her own gun. “How long will the portal stay open?” she asked, wondering if a complete stranger could just walk right into her sister’s bedroom right now.  
“If you’re concerned about security every gun is coded to the person who first activates it. All rooms travelled to by portal gun can only be entered by that person. So-So right now that portal is nothing more than a vertical trampoline.” Quantum Rick explained simply.  
“And if I make a portal to places outside my bedroom?” she questioned.  
“People are able to pass through as they please otherwise.” he answered, turning to see Lucy had come back through to see why her sister had not come with her. “If it isn’t the lovely Lucy.” Rick greeted her, Crystal’s eyes rolling heavily in such a way that one of the guards could easily see her expression of distaste.  
“I’m gonna go see if the bar serves water.” the redhead informed Lucy, however her sister was barely listening and only gave a small ‘mhm.’

Checking her pamphlet to see what to put in to get the resort bar the redhead put in the cords and sucked in air before walking through the portal, concerned there might not be any air on the way through. On the other side the redhead found herself at the entrance to the restaurant bar.  
‘Well, that was convenient’ she thought, heading inside and up to the bar. The bar, however, was unmanned, with each seat placed directly in front of that familiar blue button that had been found on the Mr. Meeseeks box.  
‘This is one way to save on paying actual employees.’ Crystal noted, looking around at the various aliens that were also getting wasted on their vacation.  
Sitting down Crystal pushed the button and caused a Mr. Meeseeks to spawn, his beady black eyes staring at her expectantly as he did the usual loud and obnoxious greeting.  
“Water, please.” she requested, watching him rummage around and then lift his head back up looking unhappy.  
“Ohhh, I can’t do that! This baaaar only selllls booze!” he told her, unable to complete the order.  
“Oh- Oh well, that’s okay. Never mind then.” she uttered, however the Mr. Meeseeks flailed his arms.  
“I have to complete your task, I’ll go find water.” he stated, while Crystal stopped him quick enough.  
“No, no, there’s no need! I can just get water from my room.” she assured him.  
“But I can’t go away until I complete your request.” he protested.  
“Okay, well… Can I- I change my request?” she tried to bargain, hoping to calm the blue creature down.  
“It doesn’t work like thaaat. Look at me!” he stated. “I have to fulfil the first purpose you give me.” he explained sadly before coming overly happy again.  
“Geez, what do you do if someone gives you a paradox?” she asked, getting to her feet.

Not quite sure what to do she turned and looked at the fountain outside.  
“Oh, there’s water, go-go get me a glass of that, that’s the same thing, right?” she noticed, to which the Mr. Meeseeks ran outside with a glass, scooped some water up out of the fountain and came back inside.  
“Here you goooo!” he shouted, handing her the water before finally bursting into a puff of smoke.  
“Oh thank god.” Crystal sighed, glad that he had gone away again. Looking down at the glass of water the redhead poured it out into a nearby sink behind the bar and then made a portal to her room, that was the last time she asked for water from a Mr. Meeseeks.

At some point during the night Crystal had been rudely awoken by thumping, her eyes rolling backwards into her head as she began to stir awake. Confused as to what that noise was the woman slowly sat up onto her elbows and stared down the length of her bed through the darkness with half-lidded eyes. When the thumping became more rapid the redhead could soon hear moaning, giggling and the occasional offensive slur, her eyes opening wider the longer she sat there listening to it.  
‘She couldn’t even go one night without getting laid...’ she quietly huffed, rolling on her bum to draw her legs out from under the covers and put her feet firmly on the cold, carpeted flooring.  
Getting up the redhead put on her kitchen worktop lights and began to rummage around for something to eat, her brow creasing when the banging became ridiculously loud and it stopped sounding like sex and started to sound more like a violent murder in progress. Not really wanting to confront her sister on the matter, or bang on the wall to at least remind them that there are other people in the building, Crystal decided she would get dressed and go for an early morning walk. Maybe once she had tired herself out from some aimless wandering, and come back to the apartment thereafter, they will have shagged themselves out.


	2. Virgin Morty

Stood in front of the bathroom mirror, with an elastic band and several bobby pins clasped between her pursed lips, Crystal paused amidst trying to roll her hair up into a bun, her green eyes boring into her face as she slowly let her hair drop back down to rest in a mildly messy tangle of fiery red locks against her breast and back.  
“Holiday.” she remembered, sweeping her fingers through her bangs to pull her loose hair away from her face for a moment. She had certainly started to look her age, the small wrinkles around her eyes that were clearly visible were starting to become quite prominent. At least her glasses masked that little fact for the most part she surmised, sliding them back on before pulling at her hair again to get it into a mildly presentable style. 

Leaving her room the redhead paused to see the two Rick guards standing outside Lucy’s room, presumably waiting for Quantum Rick to emerge. They certainly did not look thrilled or in any mood to be standing there listening to their boss getting laid.  
“I’m sure they’ll tire themselves out.” Crystal spoke, the Ricks turning to look at her before lifting their guns ever so slightly as if they had finally found a threat to keep them occupied.  
“Subjects documented as a threat have to wear their Morty Cap at all times.” one of them drilled, his chest puffed out a little as he tried to give off an air of authority.  
“Oh, that thing...” she acknowledged, having taken it off to shower and then go to bed hours ago. Frowning she sighed and turned to go back into her room to retrieve it. 

Coming back out she shoved it onto her head where they could see and then turned to go in the opposite direction with the intention of going downstairs. Stopping the redhead faced towards a room that looked like a dance area, the hall filled with various aliens and people. It was quite surprising to see a party going on at two in the morning, but then she had read in the brochure that parties here were twenty-four-seven. The DJs were Robobro that did not need to sleep or eat so they could keep up with such a demanding job. The music was not really to her taste but then there were other rooms with the same layout but different music, so there was essentially a room for everyone.  
‘Hm… human music.’ Crystal noted as she read a sign and stopped in front of one room, her head poking in to hear a very familiar, very much ‘her teenage years’, song playing. There was no DJ here but there was music playing. 

No one else was here, apparently, but that did not particularly bother her. Sitting down in one of the booths the redhead created a portal and pulled a glass of water out from the other side before just quietly enjoying the little nostalgia trip she could have in a dark corner of the room. Somewhere between having her glass of water, and deciding to let loose a little and order a few too many Virgin Mortys’, Crystal had started crooning to the music.  
“Out on the wiley, windy moors. We'd-We’d roll and fall in green. You had a temper like my jealousy, too hot, too greedy. How could you leave- leave me? When I needed to possess you? I hated you, I loved you, too!” she sang, rocking from side to side with her Virgin Morty sloshing about in the glass. “Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy! I've come home, I'm so cold! Let me in through-through your window.” she continued, closing her eyes and crinkling her eyebrows together as she began to over-act the lyrics.

Somewhat tipsy the redhead gave one of the Rick guards a lopsided grin when he came looking for her.  
“Your sister was looking for you. Quantum Rick sent me to find you.” he informed her, looking about as cheery as a plank of wood.  
“Come-Come sit with me, I’m fine.” she slurred, leaning across the table to catch his wrist and pull him into the booth with her. “Look- Look how cozy this box is!” she stated, leaning over him to pull the curtain across and then fumble about until she found the switch above to light up the small seating arrangement. “How nice is this?” she asked, leaning onto her elbow to look up at the Guard Rick with a stupid, dazzled expression on her face.  
“Yes, this is so cozy." his eyes rolled. "I have work to do. I-I can’t sit around and,” he sarcastically mocked, burping mid sentence. “get drunk.” Rick dismissed, trying to pull the curtain back open.

“This is supposed to be an all inclusive Rick experience, right? W-What’s more of a Rick experience than hanging out with an actual-actual Rick.” she uttered, giving her glass a frown when she tried to drink from it and only found it empty.  
“How many of those have you had?” he questioned, looking at the two empty glasses in front of her.  
“Two.” she answered.  
“Two what?” he asked, his eyebrow hitching.  
“Two-Two Virgin Mortys’.” she reiterated, as if he was supposed to have known that the first time.

Giving her a dry look Rick took the glass off of her gingerly.  
“Yeah, you wouldn’t last five seconds with a Rick. You’re a light weight. Ricks drink to get Rickity-Rekt, which means at least seven whiskies and three vodkas, maybe-maybe some Penp Juice if it’s a particularly wild party.” he acknowledged, burping a few times.  
“Oh-Oh man, I remember my first Penp Juice…” Crystal slurred, causing him to pause.  
“Y-You’ve had Penp Juice?” Rick questioned.  
“I partied through the sixties, and right-right through until the eighties, who-who wasn’t tried Penp Juice?” she asked, reminiscing about her party days. “Only-only tried it once, was sick for a week. Not as bad as when I did Kalaxian Crystals, but-but that’s another story.” she acknowledged.  
“How old are you?” he questioned, looking her up and down.  
“What age do I look?” she replied, trying to straighten her face and make it harder for him to guess.  
“Ffffifty?” he guessed carefully, making her gasp.  
“Ohh, that’s the nicest number I could ever get.” she cooed. “How old are you?” she then thought to ask, leaning back to eyeball him.  
“What age do I look?” he decided to toss back at her. Squinting her eyes the redhead looked him up and down and slowly tilted her head to the side.  
“I want to say fifty-five? You look younger-younger than me, but not by much.” she guessed. 

Soon after, and some fifteen minutes later, Crystal had seemingly coaxed the Rick into staying in the booth with her, or perhaps he had just purposely forgotten about his prior ‘obligations.’  
“Do you remember this song?” Crystal asked, rolling her finger around the rim of her glass.  
“Daaaaamn yeah, I remember listening-listening to this song in the car while driving around Chicago.” Rick stated, having unwound a bit now.  
“Chicago? You’re from Earth too?” the redhead questioned.  
“All Ricks' are from Earth.” Rick explained. “How did you get all the way out here if you’re from Earth? We-We found it pretty weird to find other humans this-this far out.” the light-cyan haired man questioned.  
“Oh, now that-that’s story.” Crystal answered, putting her glass down on the table. “Y-You know how there was all those newspapers in the fifties talking about aliens and-and abductions? All that sh-shit about anal probes?” the redhead questioned.  
“The Earth’s government had its work cut out for them.” Rick scoffed, drinking from a flask that he had hidden in the inside of his coat.  
“I was-was kidnapped by aliens in the eighties. W-Was forced into slave labour on a mining planet called Fradafree.” she continued to recall. “B-Bastards went bankrupt ten years later and I’m out of-of a job. Don’t take me home though, right? They-They dump my ass on some alien planet in the Grufretrap nebulon wi-wi-with a gift basket and a coupon for Gru fruit.” she protests, beginning to frown deeply.  
“Geez, that suuuuucks.” Rick acknowledged.

Nodding Crystal knocked back her fifth Virgin Morty and went back to leaning on her palm.  
“Got a job as a plant-plant picker and eventually became a pharmacist there.” she continued, pulling out a tiny photo of her and a taller, unsightly looking, alien standing beside her. “That-That’s my ex-husband, gr-great man. The-the reason I’m out here.” she informed him sarcastically, while Rick gave the photo a look of mild interest. “Was married to him for-for twenty years. This is my divorcee vacation. My sister thought I’d-I’d feel better after getting wasted for-for a whole week; maybe… maybe find a one-night stand.” she admitted, putting the photo away.  
“Pft, marriage, am I right?” Rick questioned. “I’ve never been subtle about how little I trust in marriage. Look were marriage got us.” he huffed, lifting his arms and staring at the ceiling. “I-In a fucking bar,” he burped. “g-getting wreeeecked.” he slurred.

Watching him lower his arms, so that he could take another swig from his flask, Crystal hummed slightly.  
“So, you were in the marriage boat too?” Crystal enquired.  
“F-Fuck that noise.” Rick answered dryly. “I was one of the few Ricks' not to go th-through that shit. And thank god; I’d have hated having to say I’ve ties with-with a Jerry.” he continued, looking sick at the very idea.  
“Well then how do you know you’d hate marriage?” the redhead asked, frowning a tad. “Loads of people go through shitty marriages but-but that-that doesn’t mean you will.” she tried to reason with him.  
“Because I-I’m a Rick.” he stated very simply, staring at her with no ounce of uncertainty. “We can turn black holes into suns, but we can’t make relationships work.” he then frowned as he exasperated.  
“Aw, I’m sure you’ll find love. I’m sure I’ll find love again.” Crystal assured him, but more herself.  
“Oh geeez.” Rick over-exaggerated, his eyes rolling as his monobrow lifted.

Frowning the redhead looked at him, now appearing a little annoyed past her hazy expression.  
“Listen, C-Crystal, was it?” he asked, getting ready to give her a good, heavy speech. “This ‘love’ as you call it is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.” he informed her harshly. “It hits you out of nowhere like a charging Snarfgobbler and then slowly fades, leaving you stranded in the middle of a failing marriage with no cluuuuue how you got there!” he digressed. “At some point you have to ask yourself ‘what are the odds this is legit’ and that it isn’t some big lie we’re telling ourselves because we’re afraid to die alone?” he continued to drown on, while the woman just stared at him, a pool of drool beginning to dribble down his bottom lip as he sprayed his words everywhere. When he was done, when she assumed he was done, giving her relationship advice she slowly lifted a hanky up and started to dab his lip clean, never breaking eye contact with him.  
“Sigmund Freud eat your heart out.” she spoke, drawing the tissue away from his mouth to put it back in her pocket.  
“I- I err...” he drawled, taken-aback by what she had just done only to feel his communicator starting to go off in his ear. “E-Err what- What is it?” he questioned, snapping back to his senses.  
“Where the fff-fuck are you? Quantum Rick just left the apartment, did you find the woman?” his partner asked.  
“Yeah, I found her. She-She was drinking in the Human Room.” Rick answered, rubbing his face as he pulled the curtain open and got out to get to his feet. Hopefully he did not stink of booze or else his boss was going to have his badge.

Having been walked back to her room by Rick, who did not want to return empty handed, Crystal had gone back to bed for a much needed sleep, her head thumping in the morning as she sat in the restaurant with her equally hung over sister.  
“N-No more alcohol.” the redhead requested, using her portal gun to get a hold of copious glasses of water, neither of them able to bare the headache of summoning another Mr. Meeseeks that would inevitably, and uncontrollably, scream in their ringing ears.  
“N-Never.” Lucy disagreed, committed to the Rick experience for the last six days of their holiday. Eventually ordering their breakfast the pair finally got the upper-hand over their hangovers later into the afternoon and decided to go see what else the resort had to offer.  
“Everything is just… party-partying and alcohol...” Crystal commented, looking at all the attractions. “The Spinning Glasses – see how long you can hold down your liquor and win a prize. The Rickinator – same idea except you sit taking shots with a real life Rick.” the redhead stated, the pair looking at a themepark map attached to a floating, stationary billboard.  
“Oh my god, they have a Morty Petting Zoo!” Lucy exasperated, rushing in an easterly direction to stand at the pen's fence.

Following after her Crystal stopped to have a look.  
“This attraction is for the kids, Lucy… It’s basically just a day care.” she discouraged her sister, turning to look at her only to see that she had been speaking to empty space. Confused she looked around and then into the pen to see her sister patting and feeding the Mortys'. “Oh my god...” she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
“Crystal! Crystal… Get the camera, they’re picking food out of my hand!” her sister squealed with delight, her sister rolling her eyes and pulling out a camera.  
“Part of me finds this really unsettling.” Crystal commented, watching a rather jumpy and nervous looking female Morty come over to her clasping her hands together at her front. 

Unable to make eye contact right away the young teenager stared at her feet.  
“A female Morty?” Crystal questioned, only remembering thereafter that there were all kinds of different Ricks’ due to how dimensions worked, so it must have been the same for Mortys’. “What’s your name?” she decided to ask, lowering her head to see if she could encourage the girl to look at her.  
“M-Martha.” she stammered quietly.  
“What a cute name.” the redhead replied gently, the brunette blushing slightly as she slowly, but surely, lifted her head to look at her. “Lucy, give the little girl some chocolate. Those Morty’s aren’t letting her have any.” she requested, to which the blonde handed Martha a piece as she left the pens.

Watching her eat the chocolate, and look all the brighter at being able to do so, Crystal patted her on the head before the two siblings began to leave.  
“You know, I never thought I’d go into a petting zoo and find it socially acceptable to feed and pat the children.” Lucy laughed, while her sister just frowned a little.  
“Seems a bit unorth-unorthodox.” she admitted, still feeling a bit uncomfortable about the situation. Further into the park the two sisters watched as an incredibly unhappy mother Shimshamian chased her child through the street.  
“Stop, Xarifgruph, I said stop!” she protested, rushing past them.  
“Geez, I’d hate to be that Shimshamian.” Lucy mocked, trying to figure out what to do next.  
After watching Lucy have a shot at ‘Out-wit a Rick’, and lose in round one, the pair had stopped for ice cream, the incredibly nice weather beating down on them from above. It was quite busy out at this time of day, with everyone wandering around and the kids chasing after each other, and that nice day seemed to trail on into the next day and the next again. However, by the fourth day of their seven day holiday the pair were at odds with what to do now, they had tried everything at least once, and this ‘constantly being drunk’ gimmick was starting to take a toll on Crystal’s poor sister, who, as of right now, was still stubbornly holding fast to her Rick experience promise.

Sometime into the afternoon on this particular day there was an accident involving the Morty Petting Zoo, the rather busy but controlled resort becoming a mess as the Morty’s rampaged the streets, getting into almost every nook and cranny of the park. Soon after the Morty’s had dispersed across the park a squad of Ricks' had been summoned in to catch them all, and over the intercom the bellowing voice of Quantum Rick promised both Ricks' and the guests of the attraction gifts for catching and putting them back in the pen. Quickly this disaster had become a flash event for all the family.  
“Where are you going?” Crystal asked, having decided to steer clear until the chaos and panic was over.  
“Shhh, I’m hunting Mortys’.” her sister answered, rushing off to get in on the action. Groaning the redhead got up from her seat on a bench and decided to carry on walking around the park, deciding she would bring any Mortys' she did find back if she actually caught any. On her trip around the park the intercom kept stating how many were still left on the loose, which only made Crystal imagine that the wide spread pandemonium must have been increasing as time went on. 

Turning a corner on the way back towards her apartment complex a little while later Crystal stopped to see Martha stood up against a wall with a Smarkian cornering her, her eyes squeezed shut as he crept closer in the hopes of catching her.  
“L-Leave me alone!” the brunette shouted, trying to use her hands to make him keep his distance.  
“Just come with me quietly.” he requested, giving her a toothy grin. Flattening her lips the redhead began to head towards the pair, her hand reaching for her portal gun. Nearby Guard Rick had also been making the rounds, as per his orders, and had quickly come to a halt to see what on earth Crystal and a Smarkian were so fixated on.  
“Come here!” he heard the shark-esque alien snap, before jolting and missing Martha when she flung herself to the side and began trying to get away again. Mid-chase the shark let out a confused noise as he skid to a halt and found his short self looking up at a very angry looking woman, a human that his target was now desperately hiding behind and clinging to.  
“Out of the way, grandma!” he demanded, only making the human even angrier.  
“Excuse me?” she asked, her gaze narrowing.

Trying to get around her she grabbed him by the nose, causing the alien to stop and let out a wheezing noise.  
“What the fuck’d you just call me?” she questioned, holding his nose tightly in her grip while he began to flail and gasp for air. “Yeah, not so big now, are you?!” she snapped, shoving him by the nose right back onto his ass. “You don’t chase and corner kids, you got that?” she asked, watching the Smarkian cough and gasp in as much needed air as he could muster.  
“What’s your problem, lady?! You can’t just grab a Smarkian by the nose, you know we can’t breathe when you do that!” he protested, staggering to his feet.  
“I’m well aware.” she coldly replied. “And ‘my problem’ is-is you scaring this poor Martha half to death.” she hissed.  
“Didn’t you get the memo? The guest to catch the last Morty gets a VIP tour of the inner workings of the resort.” he snapped.  
“What-What is this, Ricky Ronka and the Morty Fact-Factory?” she questioned, hearing someone rather plainly state ‘oh, write that one down.’

Together Crystal and the Smarkian turned to see who had said that, the pair stilling when they realised Quantum Rick had been watching them this entire time. Quickly the Smarkian tuned his attitude while Crystal just pouted a little. If he had been watching the whole time he should have intervened.  
“We might need to attune that Morty Cap of yours.” he commented, seeing as he had been spotted now. “But none the less, well done on catching the last Morty.” he congratulated her as her sister appeared.  
“Yes! We get the VIP tour!” Lucy cheered, giving her unhappy sister a huge grin.  
“I forfeit my ‘VIP tour’ to this Smarkian, he did all the work.” Crystal replied, twitching two of her fingers on either hand as she quoted the words ‘VIP tour’, which of course shocked the Ricks', broke the happy smile on Lucy’s face and made the Smarkian both shocked and excited.  
“I won?!” he gasped, getting a sarcastic ‘congratulations’ from the redhead who took Martha’s hand and began to leave.  
“I’m taking Martha back to the pen.” she informed them simply, putting a portal on the ground to pull Martha through.  
“Sis’! Sis’!! You-You total bitch!” the blonde shouted and stomped her foot, what the hell was wrong with her?!


	3. Fisting with Rick

Later into the evening Guard Rick had been ordered to go find Crystal yet again, his quest leading him to the last place she had said she would be, and much to his luck she was there. That was where the good news ended however, as inside the Morty pen there were chairs and tables set up, the Mortys' sitting and eating as Mr. Meeseeks’ brought them food and water. Overseeing this violation of resort rules was Crystal, and to a lesser extent Martha, who was letting guests' children eat at the mini restaurant with them.  
“W-What the fuck is this?” Guard Rick questioned, avoiding a Laarvian grubling who scooted past him to find a free chair.  
“They’re humans, not animals.” she responded simply, handing him a crudely put together ‘childens' menu.’  
“You-You do realise you’ll be thrown into the resort jail, and con-concequently thrown out-out of the resort for this?” he demanded to know, looking at her as if she had completely lost her mind.  
“Oh calm down. Look how happy all the kids are.” she tutted, making him actually have a good look around. “And the parents' are glad to get a break, that Shimshamian over there has been chasing her son around for the last two days I’ve seen her.” she grunted. “W-Why are you allowing kids here anyway? There’s no kids' menu and the restaurant only sells booze.” she, this time, demanded to know.

Rambling his muddled up words until he was foaming at the mouth Guard Rick found himself unable to say anything for a good minute, her expression slowly fading from irritation to mild confusion and then into laughter when she saw the look on his face. His monobrow was arched down in the middle and his lips were flattened right out except for one corner that was slightly lifted up. He looked like a small boy that was not getting his way.  
“What's going on here?” Quantum Rick questioned, having heard from word of mouth that a Morty restaurant had opened up on the west side of the resort.  
“T-This woman has turned the Morty Petting Zoo into a-a restaurant!” Guard Rick exasperated, glad to be talking to someone who was not a complete idiot.  
Looking around the Rick’s angry expression began to dissipate and quickly he could see a profit steadily rising as the night progressed.  
“Yes… Yes, I can see that.” he uttered, taking the menu to have a look at it sternly. Childish food, ice cream for starters, non-alcoholic drinks; it was very much the sort of thing a Morty could only dream of.  
“Shall I-I escort her to the prison?” Guard Rick questioned, looking mildly triumphant.  
“No.” Quantum Rick responded.  
“Sir?” he asked, his smug, shit-eating smirk vanishing.  
“Would you be interested in selling your little idea?” he enquired, putting his hand on her shoulder as she looked from Guard Rick to him.  
“I’m listening.” she replied. Now it was her turn to smirk like a smug little shit.

Around one in the morning Crystal had been able to finally have some time to herself, opting swiftly for another round of drinks in the Human Room to celebrate. Having invited Lucy, who was still mad at her, she was yet to tell her the good news.  
“What do you want?” she questioned stiffly, holding a drink to her lips as she looked anywhere but at her.  
“Now, I know you’re mad at me for giving the VIP tour to that Smarkian but I’ve some good news for you.” Crystal uttered, pushing a pass towards her sister.  
“How’d you get this…?” she asked, looking down at it with a slowly weakening expression of anger.  
“Quantum Rick did a deal with me. Said he’d give me a thousand sme-smeckles for my idea after I turned the Morty Petting Zoo into a mini-restaurant. Of course, I knew he was trying to cheat me out of my idea by giving me some worthless currency so I made him a deal; I’d let him take full credit for my idea if he fixed up our ship and gave you a VIP ticket.

To this information Lucy cheered, clearly happy to get that VIP tour she had so sourly been revoked previously.  
“To be honest-honest though, haven’t you already had the ‘VIP’ tour?” Crystal mocked, while her sister just coughed shyly.  
“I don’t know what you mean.” she protested gently.  
“Well… you’ve been sleeping with him almost every night since we-we got here. Are you a, you know.. a thing?” the redhead asked in a hushed voice, leaning towards her sister curiously.  
“No! I mean… No, no we’re just friends with benefits.” the blonde informed her sister, while Crystal’s curious look turned to displeasure.  
“Did you at least get his number?” she asked, hoping her sister was at least trying to reel this guy in.  
“Have you gotten the number of that guard that’s had his eye on you?” Lucy quickly shot back, her eyes widening slightly in a demanding fashion.  
“The one who keeps coming to look for me?” Crystal asked, her sister nodding. “Has he had his eyes on me?” she asked, having not really noticed.

Leaning in the blonde slyly pointed to the door, to which her sister used the reflection on her drinking glass to look in the designated direction. Sure enough a pair of eyes and a monobrow were watching them slyly from around the edge of the door frame.  
“Oh… I don’t think this is any sort of infatuation.” Crystal murmured, slowly reaching for her Morty Cap to put it back on. “I think our little argument has him chomping at the bit to get his sweet revenge.” she sighed.  
“Geez, I thought there was something going on between you two. That’s why I wasn’t dragging you to every social party or rave in the resort.” Lucy tutted, certain she had trusted her sister too much to mingle on her own.  
“Maybe I’ll go sit in the bar tonight.” the redhead inflected, implying her sister did not know her plans. “I just like the music in here.” she then added, able to hear Kate Bush in the background. 

Rolling her eyes Lucy glanced to the side, her brown iris’ catching sight of Quantum Rick who made a discrete but encouraging motion for her to come over to him.  
“Well… Try have some fun, okay? I’m gonna go… ask Quantum about my VIP tour.” her sister rambled as she fumbled her way out of the booth, grabbing her ticket off of the table when she remembered it, and scurrying off towards the door while her sister watched quietly.  
‘VIP tour, hm?’ Crystal internally scoffed, watching the frizzy haired Rick and his two guards pass by the swinging doors with Lucy in tow. ‘Oh well, at least she’s having fun.’ she admitted, getting to her feet to take her Virgin Morty for a walk. At the entrance to another one of the bars Crystal looked around at all the aliens, from Shrufgobblers to Fraphtups, and then flattened her gaze a little. How exactly was she going to find a ‘friend’ in a place like this? While her husband had also been an alien they had never actually copulated, mostly because he had no genitals. She was not entirely sure she wanted to go through that ordeal again. Continuing on Crystal stopped at the entrance to the resort and stared past the barrier to her ship, her line of sight lowering to a sleeping Morty who was wrapped up in a blanket as he sat inside a little booth.

Not wanting to wake him Crystal took out her portal gun and aimed it for her ship, hoping that it counted as part of the park’s perimeter. To her luck this worked, allowing her to step foot right into the main cabin of her tiny ship.  
“Okay, wow, Cirrus, you need aired out.” she gasped, being hit instantly by an aroma that could have only been built up by weeks of constant use. Opening the hatch at the front of her ship Crystal went about cleaning the deck, a wet wash cloth sucking up various amounts of dirt around the two leather chairs. “I know I’m on holiday but this is a great time to clean this place out...” she mumbled to herself, using a Franjar hoover to suck up all the dirt in even the tightest cracks.  
Once everything was clean she sprayed the hell out of the place and then looked around slowly, her eyes darting from left to right before she headed to her tiny bed and clambered inside. Shutting the door behind her she then put on a light and tugged open a secret compartment built into the wall, her green eyes scanning the contents as she rummaged around until she found a light green crystal, her iris’ glinting at the sight of it.  
“I was saving you for a rainy day, but...” she cooed, stroking her thumb up and down the smooth edge of the shard before she broke a piece off onto a small plate and stashed the rest away.

Cutting the crystal up into a fine powder Crystal then bent over and inhaled loudly through her nose, snorting like a pig that had found a truffle as she did so.  
“Ohhhh, yeahhhhh...” she moaned loudly, her wide open eyes lowering into a half-lidded state as her pupils turned the entirety of her eyes pitch black. Toppling backwards onto her bed the woman began moaning and twitching as she lost control of her motor skills; her legs were stretching outwards, her fingers flicking about and her arms flailing as she rubbed up against anything and everything erratically. From outside Crystal’s banging in the tiny compartment could closely be acquainted to a rock in a washing machine set to spin cycle, and at first her uninvited guest could do no more than just stand there listening to her go absolutely mental while blindly questioning what the hell she was doing.  
“Oh fuck, fucking hell...” Crystal finally gasped, the thumping diminishing as she pulled open the door to her tiny bedroom and stumbled out into the cold, tight corridor. “I so needed that...” she uttered, grinning from ear to ear as she fumbled towards the captain’s quarters only to stop mid-way and lower her gaze. It had been nothing more than a flicker but she saw it, someone had been on her ship.

Pushing her way into the main cabin Crystal looked around for an inkling into who might have been there, though she had a feeling she knew who it had been. Grabbing her discarded Morty Cap Crystal created a portal and entered the Human Room, her head turning to look towards her favoured booth to find Rick sitting there drinking from what appeared to be a cup of coffee. He certainly was playing the ‘innocent’ role rather well.  
“Room for one more?” she greeted him, a small groan parting his lips as he turned to look at her.  
“What do you want?” he questioned.  
“I thought I’d come keep your company. Quantum is with my sister I assume?” she asked, though she made no move to actually sit next to him.  
“As-As usual.” he stated plainly, giving his drink a disinterested look.  
“Guess I wont be going to bed any time soon then.” she sighed, staring at him for a good minute.

Slowly her lips began to flatten as she came that little bit closer.  
“Ricks’ take drugs right?” she asked rather plainly.  
“… Some of the less principled ones, yes.” the cyan haired guard replied.  
“Do you?” Crystal enquired, getting into the booth on his side to sit next to him.  
“Is that a real question?” he asked, finally turning to look at her as if she was a complete twat.  
“I thought Ricks’ were party animals.” she uttered, leaning onto her chin like last time to eyeball him.  
“I’m not a crooked Rick.” the guard reiterated, feeling her green eyes drift up and down him.  
“I can tell.” she acknowledged, playing with her glasses a little. “What with that fancy coat and lack of booze-breath.” she slurred, her mind a little hazy from the mixture of constant alcohol and now the fresh drugs in her system. “Th-That and the cute monobrow.” she added as an after thought.  
“Excuse me?” he asked, his head finally turning to look at her.

If it was one thing you never mentioned to, or around, a Rick, it was their monobrow.  
“It’s cute, cute.” she reiterated. “Every time I see it I-I wanna stroke it.” she continued, her voice slightly firmer than it had been before she settled again and grew quiet. “Can I touch it?” she finally asked after a long pause, whilst Rick just gave her a look of disbelief.  
“You-You want to touch my eyebrows?” he asked.  
“It’s like going into an art gallery and being told not to-to touch the paintings… It makes you want to give into your urges even more.” Crystal explained, making no move to actually touch him.  
“Y-You would know alll about that, wouldn’t you?” he fired back, taking her back a little.  
“Whoa, where’d that come from?” she asked, rather shocked by the strange comment. Rick did not answer. “Were you… Were you the one spying on me on my ship?” she asked, straightening her arching side. 

Of course, she knew it had to have been him back there; she could just feel it in her bones, but she wanted to hear him say it to prove her right.  
“I don’t know what-what you’re talking about. I’ve better things to do than keep an eye on you.” he finally answered, back to not looking at her.  
“You were on my ship, spy-spying on me!” she snapped, slapping the table and making the glasses clink.  
“Keep your voice down.” Rick shot back as he tried to hush her, watching a herd of Glip Glops give them funny looks as they went past the door.  
“So you admit it.” the redhead continued, pointing a finger at him.  
“I don’t admit to anything.” he scoffed.  
“How much did you hear?” she pressed, leaning towards him.  
“I-I heard the tail end of you having sex.” he admitted. “I went to see what you were up to, going to your ship at one in the morning. If I knew you were do-doing that I wouldn’t have went.” he added, her glower alternating between a look of thought and anger.

After what appeared to have been several different internal conversations with herself Crystal finally spoke.  
“I wasn’t having sex with someone.” she finally admitted. “I was sno-snorting prescribed medicine.” the redhead went on to elaborate.  
“Seriously? That’s your excuse?” he scoffed, giving her a studious look.  
“My life partner was a Froombledroob on planet Tyoorfraph, do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a marriage going when you can’t have sex!?” she professed, her angry expression turning to frustration.  
“That. That’s why marriages fail; all you people are the same, the second you realise your relationship was buuuuuilt entirely on sex, and the sex goes to shit, you get divorced.” Rick scoffed as he belched, ready to continue his rant had it not been for Crystal slapping him right across the face.  
“What would you know about marriage? You’ve never been married!” she demanded to know. “And for your information I loved my husband, whether we had sex or not!” she continued.  
“And look where it got you!” he provoked her, ready, this time, for the second slap he got to the other side of his face. Scowling at each other both their gazes narrowed into threatening glares, neither of them taking their eyes off of one another as they both reached for their guns. 

Elsewhere Lucy had just been lazing on the tops of her covers with Quantum Rick beside her, the usual satisfied and glossy look resting in a thin sheet over his eyes.  
“I think I’ll make coming here an annual holiday.” the blonde uttered, smoking a joint before passing it in Rick’s direction.  
“Mmm, I did have an idea for a loyalty card.” he admitted, taking a drag as he stared at the ceiling.  
“I can’t believe I’ll only be here for two more days.” she sighed, scooting over to rest against Rick’s thin chest.  
“Nothing a little portal gun can’t fix.” the cyan haired councilman uttered, causing her to sit up to get a better look at him.  
“You want to… stay in touch?” the blonde asked, rather shocked he was not about to make a runner the second he had no obligation to speak to her.  
“Why not?” he enquired, shrugging weakly as she began to smile.

Hearing his discarded communicator start to go off Quantum groaned and sat up.  
“What-What the hell do they want?” he questioned, tugging a bathrobe on to cover himself up while Lucy stared at his ass for as long as it was still on show with a sultry look on her face. Picking up the device he put it into his ear, took a breather and then answered the call. “What? What is it? You know I-” he began to tell off one of his guards, his voice trailing off as his associate rambled at him. “Speak coherently you idiot.” he barked, the audible shouting quieting a tad as Lucy sat up and gave the back of his head a worried look, her hand reaching to pull the covers up and over her naked form.  
“What’s going on?” she asked, giving him a frown as he went about trying to find his discarded boxers.  
“Apparently your sister and one of my guards got into a fight.” he answered, turning to watch her fly out of bed to find her bra and knickers.  
“Oh my god!” she gasped, hoping they had not done anything too reckless.


	4. Wubba-lubba-dub-dub

Opening a portal to the scene of the crime Quantum and Lucy stepped out into the area, the entire room an absolute mess from the fight that had ensued.  
“What a mess.” Rick groaned, watching a ceiling fan fall through one of the various open portals and get dismantled by the blender on the other side.  
“Y-You don’t think he killed her, right?” Lucy asked, seeing another portal had flames bursting forth from it every other minute.  
“He’s may have been trained differently from others but he’s still-still a Rick. There’s no telling what the situation is.” Quantum replied, trying not to upset her too much. “I’ll have my best Ricks’ trace the last portal he opened and locate the pair of them.” he reassured her.  
Elsewhere Crystal was the midst of punching Rick, adding to the various cuts and scuff marks that littered his face as he kicked her in the gut and then proceeded to slam her sideways with a plank of wood that he had picked up from somewhere along the way, knocking her already shattered glasses clean off. Amongst their tumble through various dimensions they had both lost track of the portal gun, opting for a more physical approach as a solution thereafter.  
“Did no one ever tell you not to hit a woman?” Crystal asked, grabbing onto the vines of what appeared to be a carnivorous plant before tearing it out of the ground to hold it out at Rick.

Avoiding the snapping, vicious plant Rick was quick to slap it out of her hand and then use the plank of wood to decapitate it. Kicking the weapon out of his hands Crystal dodged his leg and winced when he punched her in the tits.  
“Ow, you bastard!” she protested, kneeing him in the testicles.  
“You-You bitch, that’s a foul!” Rick rasped in agony.  
“You punched my boob first!” she shouted, taking this as a chance to catch her breath.  
“It’s hard not to!” he smugly commented, motioning his hands right down by his belly button. Feeling her cheeks burn up Crystal lunged at him, knocking him to the ground so that she could pin him there with her weight.  
“I’ll have you know I’ve the perky tits of a thirty-year-old!” she informed him, punching him in the face.  
“P-Perky? They’re down by your hips when they’re not in your bra.” he continued to belittle her, only making her even madder.  
“Oh, and your balls are any better?” she questioned, getting a fist to her lower jaw when he managed to wriggle one of his arms out from her grasp.

Letting go of his other arm Crystal gasped when he grabbed her by the throat and started to choke her.  
“Fffuuuckkk yooou.” she managed to churn out, her teeth gritting together.  
“You’d like that too much.” he answered, tossing her to the side when her eyes began to roll backwards in her skull. Hitting the dirt Crystal groaned, shakily pulling herself onto her side as she coughed.  
“I could kill you right now.” Rick informed her, grabbing her by the scruff of her shirt while gingerly tossing and catching a jagged rock in his other hand.  
“Then what are you waiting for?” she questioned, keeping full eye contact with him as he feigned a swing with the rock, her entire face crumpling as she grit her teeth and prepared for the strike.

When the hit did not come Crystal opened one eye, the sharp point on the rock inches from her eye.  
“Pft.” Rick scoffed, tossing the rock to the side before grabbing her by the wrist to drag her to her feet. “All out of your system?” he asked.  
“Yeah...” she spoke, wincing when she ran her fingers over a gash on her collarbone.  
“Where the hell’s my coat...” Rick murmured, looking around. Rubbing her arm Crystal tried to help him look for it, her eyes catching sight of his gun hidden amongst the tall pink grass. On the opposite side of the forest opening Rick found his coat, the article of clothing torn and ragged from when they had fallen down from the cliff above and smashed through several tree branches on the way down. “So much for that.” he murmured, displeased he would have to go back to the citadel to get a change of clothes.  
“I couldn’t find anything on the other side.” the redhead informed him, his head turning to look at her.  
“My coat’s wrecked.” the cyan haired guard tutted, slipping it on in-spite of it being more patches of fabric than an actual coat.  
“I’ll fix it when we’re back at the resort.” Crystal sighed, giving the sorry scrap of military uniform an apologetic glance over.

After a good few hours the pair eventually found the discarded portal gun, the woman making him open a portal to the inside of her ship.  
“I need to contact Quantum Rick. He’s going to be fu-furious.” Rick informed her, not entirely sure why she had taken his coat. There was nothing left of it to repair.  
“Yeah, yeah… I’m sure he took a minute to notice you were gone.” the redhead sarcastically answered, laying his coat out flat on a make-shift table.  
“I would shoot you if I had my gun.” he grumbled, fumbling to catch said weapon when she took it out of her pocket and threw it at him. "Make my night." Crystal stated, not bothering to turn and look at him. “Rick Z-567, where the heeelll have you been?!” Quantum shrieked over his communicator and into Guard Rick’s ear.  
“S-Sir!” he replied stiffly, straightening up as though his boss was stood right in front of him.  
“Where’s the woman?” he questioned. “I’ve had Lucy at my throat for the last four hours!” he snapped quietly, having only just convinced Lucy to go to sleep.  
“She’s with me, Sir… We’ve settled our differences… For the most part.” Guard Rick assured him.  
“I want you, and her, to come here for a briefing.” Quantum requested, to which his guard began to splutter in an attempt to stave off the meeting until he could clean himself up. “I’m not listening to your excuses. Get here now!” his boss shrieked, startling Lucy awake.  
“Wha-What?” the blonde questioned hazily, looking around in alarm.

Once both ends had explained the situation to their significant other the four of them met up in the now cleaned Human Room, Lucy’s eyes widening as she jolted up in her chair when she saw the state of her sister.  
“Oh my god!” she gasped, eyeballing her sister.  
“Don’t worry, I got him back.” Crystal stated snidely, giving him a smug look while he just scoffed at her.  
“You, Z-567, are a disappointment. Your total disregard for policy is terr-terrible. Your job is to protect me and the guests at this resort.” Quantum began, wiping the look on Rick’s face right off.  
“S-Sir...” he replied, ready to try defend himself against the accusation that was wounding his pride.  
“I didn’t give you permission to speak!” his boss scolded him, Guard Rick’s lips fastening shut.  
“I don’t think that’s totally fair.” Crystal jumped in, taking Z-567 off guard for a moment. “You don’t know the whole story.” she tried to explain.

Narrowing his gaze Quantum allowed her to speak.  
“Someone caught us in the middle of making out in the booth and thought we were fighting.” she began, to which Guard Rick slowly rolled his eyes to the side to look down at her. What?  
“What?” Quantum questioned, his monobrow raising up slowly.  
“Yeah, see… I like it rough; hair pulling, nails down the back, slapping, spitting on each other.” she uttered. “After realising we had frightened a guest we decided to take it somewhere a little more private.” she shrugged. “Honestly, it’s a little embarrassing that I need to explain my sex life...” she sighed drearily.  
“I… I uh...” Quantum stammered, not too sure what to say. “I guess I can let it slide this time… I didn’t know Z-567 was a bit of an animal.” he admitted. “I’ll still be punishing him for forgetting about his duties.” he stated, which was better than dismissal in her eyes.  
“Ohhh but he didn’t.” Crystal assured him, pulling out a large green crystal from a hidden pocket. “He had me pick up some Runktruf for you on the way back.” she coaxed, rolling the drug in the palm of her hand.

Silently Quantum stared at it, while Guard Rick became irate.  
“You can’t just-” he went to tell her off.  
“I will... confiscating that.” the cyan haired councilman stated, snatching it from her hand. “Z-567, I will over look this entire situation if you can successfully escort Miss Crystal to her ship without any other incidents.” he uttered, stashing the substance inside his coat. “For wrangling in this woman, and keeping her away from harming innocent guests, I will not put tonight’s incident on file. You’re dismissed.” Quantum stated half-heartedly, clearly distracted by the Runktruf he was rubbing through his breast pocket.  
“I… I err...” he hesitated, watching his boss and Lucy head towards the exit with the other guard in tow.  
“Shut up and eat your peach.” his companion quietly advised as he passed by.

Flatting his lips Guard Rick turned to look at Crystal who was already opening up a portal to her ship.  
“Well, it was nice meeting you, ‘Z-567.’ Tell my sister I’ll be waiting on the ship for her when she’s ready to leave.” she stated dismissively. “Oh, and… Here’s your coat.” she added, poking only her upper body through the portal before pulling back with the coat folded up in her arms. “Don’t ask how I fixed it, I’ll never tell you.” she informed him sternly, stepping through the blue liquid ring completely this time. Going for a shower the redhead scrubbed the filth and blood from her body before taking a moment to just lean her back against the wall, her eyes shut as she let the water hit her face. All over her body she felt stiff, her aching muscles only getting some relief through the hot water.  
Spending a good thirty minutes in the shower Crystal eventually got out and got dressed into her pyjamas, which was comprised of nothing more than a black silk negligee. Sitting in her captain’s chair she had one leg up on her knee as she put salve on her calf, her brow scrunching up every time she ran the cream over a particularly bad cut. In the background music hummed quietly, her hand blindly reaching for a mirror so that she could patch up her face next. Already her left eye was becoming a blue, bruised mess whilst her bottom lip was cut and completely swollen.  
‘I guess my sister was right when she said I wouldn’t suit lip enhancements.’ she thought dryly, patting the scratch with a cotton pad.

Going to bed after she had fixed herself up Crystal was asleep in a matter of minutes, her body finally giving up the second she turned on the heated mattress and curled up under the covers. Sometime in the middle of the afternoon the redhead woke up from her peaceful slumber, her body rolling over onto her back to peer up at the ceiling. Spending what was left of the day cleaning more of her ship the redhead stood on a platform outside giving the windows and panels a much needed sponge bath, a pair of old clothes she had put on getting filthy as she worked to try scrub the gunge off of the front.  
“Crystal, what are you doing?” someone called, her head turning to look down at her sister.  
“Practising for my role in a wet t-shirts car wash photo shoot.” she answered sarcastically, the platform lowering down towards the ground so that she could get off. “Shouldn’t you be enjoying your last day on holiday?” the redhead enquired, dropping her sponge into the mucky water in her bucket.  
“I am, I just decided to come check on you.” she explained, eyeballing the deep purple black eye she had developed during the night and the series of cuts that scattered her skin. “He really did a number on you...” she admitted, having never seen her sister this badly beaten before.  
“Eh… He’s probably just as bad.” Crystal shrugged.

Pouting Lucy watched her sister for a little while longer before deciding to admit to why she was really here.  
“I want you to apologise to him.” the blonde requested, causing her sister to blink a little.  
“I already did, I gave Quantum drugs in return for not firing him.” Crystal replied, putting her bucket of clean water onto the moving platform.  
“No, I want you to apologise to Z-567. I know you’re as bad as each other but I think you hurt his pride after last night.”she protested gingerly.  
“I think getting your ass kicked by an elder woman would hurt anyone’s pride.” she scoffed weakly.  
“He’s seventy.” Lucy put it bluntly, her sister stopping in her tracks to just stare at her in disbelief.

Sticking a digit into her ear Crystal twitched her index finger in a circular motion.  
“I think I might need my ear syringed, do you know what that sounded like to me?” Crystal questioned, to which her sister rolled her eyes.  
“Rick’s, all Ricks’, are seventy-years-old.” the blonde reiterated, giving her a look that said ‘I’m being deadly serious right now.’  
“Forget my ears, I think my entire brain needs syringing; he’s seventy?” the redhead questioned, still in total disbelief.  
“Yes, yes, he’s seventy. You wouldn’t think it, right?” Lucy asked, having only just come to terms with a Rick’s true age.  
“I guess the body modifications take a couple years off of you.” Crystal admitted, feeling only a little guilty that she got into a fight with a man on the cusp of becoming a geriatric.

A few minutes later Crystal agreed to apologising to Guard Rick, leading to Lucy calling Quantum to request he brings her a new Morty Cap.  
“I don’t need this ridiculous hat, Lucy. People-People keep taking photos of me thinking I’m part of the attraction.” Crystal quietly hissed as they walked back into the park. “A-And I never noticed before but I think this hat is making me stutter.” she added, having never really noticed until now.  
“Oh stop complaining, you can take it off after you say sorry to Rick.” Lucy grumbled, dumping her in the Human Room to go tell Z-567 she was ready to see him. At the bar the redhead just stared off into space as she sat perched on a bar stool, the minutes turning to hours as she waited for him to show up.  
When ‘I’ll just go get him’ turned into four hours Crystal had taken to sitting in her favoured booth with the curtains drawn and a mini-screw driver in her hand, a spare pair of glasses resting on the table. Looming over the warped frame of the bent accessory Crystal grumbled quietly to herself, she should have taken her good pair of glasses off before deciding to get into a bar fight with someone. When, finally, she had had enough Crystal drew back the curtain and got to her feet, her hands slipping on the wonky, thick rimmed glasses only to take them right back off with a groan when she found that they were making her eyesight worse.

Going to the bar Crystal attempted to use her resort swipe card only to have it deny her access by beeping.  
“Oh geez...” she murmured out of annoyance, feeling someone press up against the back of her afterwards. Hitching an eyebrow the redhead turned on the spot to look up at a Rick, her other eyebrow now rising when she realised it was Z-567.  
“You’re late.” she mused, hearing a Mr.Meeseeks spawn and scream its catch phrase.  
“I didn’t say I’d come.” he answered, ordering himself a drink casually.  
Spidering her fingers on one hand up his chest Crystal raised an eyebrow and tugged on the lapel of his coat, giving it a scrutinising look over.  
“New coat?” she asked, certain this was not the one she wasted time fixing for him.  
“I put the old one in the trash, it was ruined.” he informed her, drawing his drink to his lips.

Hauling herself up onto the bar stool that she had had her back to this whole time she sat down.  
“That’s a shame, I thought the coat added a little character.” she mused, continuing to explore his coat with her hands. Inhaling a deep breath through his nose Rick slammed the button to bring forth another Mr. Meeseeks as he leaned towards her. Giving him a coy smirk Crystal separated her knees when he leaned against them, her calf partially hooking around his thigh after he fell forward ever so slightly into her.  
“What’s the special occasion?” the redhead asked gingerly, watching him knock back another shot.  
“Off duty.” Rick answered simply.  
“Not going to offer me a drink?” she enquired curiously.  
“Only guests are allowed to order drinks.” he told her, to which she ran her hand up towards his chin to scratch his lower jaw as she spoke.  
“Aw, but you can give me a sip from yours, can’t you?” she suggested gingerly.

Flattening his brow in thought Rick had a quick, contemplative glance at the dregs in the bottom of his drink.  
“No.” he then answered, quickly showing that the look he had had on his face was nothing more than a joke.  
“Dick.” she grunted, her attempt at a smoulder dissipated as her brow flattened a little.  
“Your little tricks might-might work on other men, but it wont work on me.” Rick told her flatly, to which her expression faded even further.  
“Is that so?” she asked, raising her hand further up to stroke her index finger across his monobrow slowly. “How come you’re so uptight? You’re off duty and able to drink; shouldn’t you be happy?” Crystal questioned.  
“I’m not uptight.” Rick answered sternly, making her features drop completely. Having his swipe card stolen the cyan haired man tried to grab it off of her but she managed to summon a Mr. Meeseeks before he could do so.  
“Two Rickity-Rekt!” she quickly ordered, putting her hand over Rick’s mouth to stop him from speaking.

Flinching when he bit her palm Crystal cursed and reeled her hand back.  
“That hurt, you dick.” she scoffed, checking the underside of her hand for any lasting damage.  
“I’m throwing you in the resort prison this time.” he informed her, trying to grab her wrist only to have his hand wrap around a drink instead.  
“Oh shut up and down your drink, you apprehensive piece of Tyurbree shite.” Crystal scoffed, knocking back the other glass as he stared at her with a scowl.  
“I-I…!” he stammered, looking from left to right with one hand shaped like an upright claw and the other gripping onto his drink with increasing force, searching deeply for the words he needed. “You-You are the most… infuriating woman I-I have ever met!” Rick snarled, her legs pulling him closer towards her as she put her glass on the bar counter-top and wiped the edge of her lip with the back of her hand.

For a good minute he just stood there shouting at her, mucus building up in his mouth and oozing down his lower lip. Listening like an obedient child Crystal slowly slid a tissue from her pocket, waiting for him to finally just stand there breathing aggressively through clenched teeth.  
“You know, I shouldn’t admit this, but; it gives me thrills to wind you up.” Crystal admitted with a small smile, slowly wiping the drool from his lip and chin. Still trying to catch his breath one side of Rick's monobrow began to twitch erratically, his arms lifting skywards as he began to scream in anger.  
“Hoooly shit.” Quantum belched, having walked in with Lucy to see how the pair were getting on.  
“Oh dear...” the blonde gasped, watching Crystal laugh whilst holding Rick back from strangling her.  
“Crystal!” her sister shouted, causing the redhead to stop and look.  
“Shit.” she uttered, seeing the livid scowl on her face.  
“I told you to apologise, not aggravated him!” she shrieked, her sister pushing Rick out from between her legs to get to her feet.  
“I uh...” she weakly spoke.  
“Apologise!” Lucy shouted, the redhead turning to look up at Rick quickly.  
“No hard feelings?” she questioned, holding up a hand.

Without saying anything at first he took her hand and began to shake it, giving it a painful, vice like squeeze towards the end.  
“None at all.” he stated snidely, whilst Crystal grit her teeth and continued trying to act civil.  
“Great.” she uttered, having to forcefully yank her hand out from his gloved grip. “Okay, Crystal, now that you’ve settled your differences you can go back to the ship, the Ricks' will have finished touching up the ship like Qu’ promised.” she informed her, having Quantum create a portal to the outside of the ship so that they could go have a look.


	5. Doing The Full Morty.

Eager to see their work Crystal let the situation go to go have a look, her eyes darting around the outside with a scrutinising stare.  
“It’s… bigger.” she uttered, certain of it.  
“That’s the least interesting thing, Sis’.” Lucy tutted. “Cirrus is now voice activated. He’ll listen to anything you say.” she stated, gripping the redhead’s shoulders.  
“… Cirrus, open the door.” she requested curiously, to which the hatch opened up and a flat panel came down.

Stepping onto it the group did not have to even climb or walk as it did the work for them.  
“The Ricks’ laughed when they saw the state of your ship.” Quantum admitted. “They hadn’t seen a shuttle ladder in years.” he mocked, the girls wandering the ship to have a look at all the changes.  
“Oh, a coffee machine!” Lucy gasped, while Crystal was busy checking what they had not changed. Her tiny bedroom was still there, along with her chair.  
“We wanted to take this barbaric form of technology out of your ship but Lucy told us it had to stay.” Rick uttered, eyeballing it.  
“It’s part of how the ship in controlled.” the redhead explained.  
“Yes… Well... with built with voice activated commands you’ll never need to do use the chair ever again.” he informed her, pushing a button on the armrest to make the protruding needles disappear into the leather seating.  
“What was the chair for?” Z-567 questioned quietly while Crystal continued to look around.

Glancing at him Quantum shrugged gingerly.  
“The Ricks’ back on the citadel surmised that the user pierces their spinal cord with those needles and then uses their brain to control and navigate the ship. A stupid idea all ‘round.” the citadel councilman uttered, watching Crystal pick up her silk negligee and give it a confused stare.  
“Why are my pyjamas out here?” she asked, instantly making Guard Rick recall the exact reason for it being there.  
“H-Hey, guys, check this out!” a Rick shouted, stepping through an open panel in the ship’s structure.  
“Oh geez Rick, that’s someone’s dress.” a Morty gasped, looking the partially see-through dress up and down. “I-I don’t think you should be playing with that.” he added, while Z-567 stopped in his tracks upon coming into the room to check on their progress.  
“Relax Morty, I’ll put it back when I’m done.” the scientist chuckled, showing the other Ricks'.  
“Y-You think it belongs to that Lucy girl Quantum was talking about?” another asked curiously.

Not too sure the group played with the dress until they found a clue, a tag sticking out of the collar.  
“Says ‘Crystal’ on the collar.” one noted.  
“Oh-oh geez, Rick, Quantum’s banging a stripper.” Morty spoke, laughing a little as he said it.  
“Shut up, Morty.” one Rick scoffed. “Crystal’s clearly a porn-star name.” he then corrected him, snorting with mild amusement.  
“Who said you could stop working?” Guard Rick snapped, causing the gaggle of cyan haired idiots to flinch and scramble back to work. “And for your information, Crystal is the one who owns this ship.” he added, eyeballing the Rick who was still holding her sleeping dress. “G-Give me that!” he then snapped, snatching it off of him. “Bunch of Mortys’...” he grumbled.  
“That the one that gave you that lovely make over?” another guard questioned, having come over to see what the problem was.  
“Oh-ohhh-ho-ho.” an engineer laughed mockingly from a platform above.  
“Shut it, you!” Z-567 warned, causing the smug look on his face to vanish, his head ducking down as he got back to work quickly.  
“Now, now, Rick; jealously is a dangerous thing.” the other guard stated, patting his shoulder.

Giving him a dry look Guard Rick corrected his posture and ran a gloved hand through his hair.  
“I feel something much worse than jealousy for that woman.” he answered coolly.  
“Wish you had taken the chance back then to kill her, huh?” his temporary companion asked, leaving the bay to go elsewhere with him.  
“It’s not so much that I want to kill her; it’s just that-that I want her to not be alive any more.” Z-567 explained simply.  
“Well, that could be arranged. Little faulty wiring here, a loose screw there...” the Guard uttered, flinching when Rick pinned him up against a wall with his forearm and glowered at him dangerously.  
“If you do anything to that ship I’ll have you court-martialed.” Guard Rick warned him, while the other Rick tensed up.  
“Whoooa there, Z-567; you’re in no position to threaten me.” he reminded him, staring at him expectantly until he was unpinned from the wall. “I wont do anything to the ship, it’s all coo-cool. It’s-It’s all chill up in this bitch, dawg.” he assured him. “I’m not stupid enough to mess with a Council Rick’s bitch.” he added, grinning a little. “That woman must be something else though, Z-567. I’ve never seen you this temperamental.” the guard chuckled, wandering off.

Tutting Crystal finally managed to shoo everyone off of her ship, her eyes watching the blue portal close over before she rushed towards her tiny closet bedroom. Sliding it open she looked around as she clambered inside, her hands padding along the wall until she found her hidden drawer. Inside everything was the way she had left it, much to her relief, however the same could not be said for her underwear drawer.  
“Ugh, those perverts.” she scoffed, trying to fix and fold the various garments that they had clearly rifled through. “Wait...” Crystal mumbled, flicking her eyes about. Where was her thong?  
Entering his tiny room back on the citadel Rick rubbed his face, his wrinkled eyebrows unfurling as he dropped his gun by his work desk and took a moment to glance at his bed. Catching sight of a pair of red panties his eyebrows raised a little as his mouth became agape.  
“What the?” he questioned, going over to them to have a look. Picking them up by a corner Rick pinched the other side and pulled them taut, his arms raising as he brought them up to eye level. Tugging on them as he lowered his arms thereafter he turned them back and forth, a thong? Frowning he gave it a bit of thought of a moment, his eyes flickering when he figured it out. Groaning Rick slowly reached for his gun in defeat, his portal gun opening a link to Crystal’s ship.  
“Crystal?” Rick called as he looked around searchingly for her. Soon enough Crystal came into the command deck, her eyebrow hitching when she saw that it was Z-567.  
“What do you want?” she enquired, having hoped to have had a nice, quiet evening to herself. “Wait. Why do you have my knickers?” Crystal questioned, spotting her familiar lacy red thong hung off of the strap of his gun.  
“A Rick left them on my bed. Gu-Guess he was trying to taunt me.” he explained, tugging her underwear off of his gun to toss them her way. 

Frowning Crystal threw her thong into the nearby waste bin.  
“Remind me to set that bucket on fire later.” she grumbled. “Why is it even when you’re not near me you’re causing me trouble?” Crystal asked accusingly, hitching an eyebrow as she directed her line of sight back towards Z-567 from the bin.  
“How-How is this my fault?” he questioned.  
“Well, you’re certainly acting pretty nervous for an innocent bystander.” she commented, eyeballing him.  
“Nervous?” he questioned.  
“And now you’re sweating… Did you sniff my panties?” she accussed.  
“I-” he went to protest before she cut him off.  
“And to be fair you do seem a little-” she stated matter-of-factually, suddenly pausing mid-thought, the look on her face turning to a smug stare as her green eyes rolled upwards to look at him.

Flabbergasted Rick began to stammer.  
“N-No wait, it’s not that you think.” he tried to tell her, her face coming closer as her shit-eating smirk only got bigger. “This is a big misunderstanding, you’ve got to believe me. I-” Rick continued to explain only to grow quiet when the look on her face did not budge an inch. “Listen here, you’d better listen to me, Crystal!” he began to rant, growing angry and flustered.  
“You were jealous, weren’t you, Rick?” she asked coyly, putting her hands onto his chest to lean against him and step up onto her tip toes.  
“I’m this close to dropping you into the blender dimension.” he hissed, refusing to back down, no matter how close she got. Running her index finger across his monobrow Crystal hovered her lips over Rick’s, her sultry expression furrowing when the Rick tipped her, almost knocking her right off of her feet.  
“Nothing else better happen now, Rick. If anything does I’ll make it my personal vendetta to come to the citadel to deal with your ‘friends’ myself.” Crystal promised him, deciding she would not let this escalate into another fist fight. Pausing, ready to go back to the citadel, Z-567 frowned, remembering what that other Rick had said before.  
“I’m going to send a trusted engineer over to give your ship one more once over.” he acknowledged, making Crystal give him a flat expression, the end of her holiday just got better and better. Handing control over to a Morty the redhead allowed him to scurry about the ship checking nothing was out of place, the inspection taking a day and a bit but Lucy did not seem to mind as it gave her more time with Quantum.  
‘At least someone got something out of this holiday.’ she mused, taking full advantage of the kitchen the Ricks’ had installed. They had really gone all out on her tiny ship, which she presumed was the case because of Lucy, as it was mostly her stuff that got an upgrade. Her sister’s bedroom, the only actual bedroom on the ship, was even bigger than before. All while Crystal had to continue to sleep in a converted storage cupboard, her sister was even given an on-suite bathroom whilst she had to remain with her knees up by her ears whenever she wanted a bath.

Trying not to feel too hard done by Crystal had taken to wearing her negligee that evening after her sister had messaged her about spending her final night doing some thing with Quantum, not that it was hard to guess what they would be doing exactly. Preparing herself a glass of wine the redhead cooked herself some popcorn and then made her way through to the control deck; ready to just sit back, kick her feet up, drink some wine whilst watching interdimensional television and be out by eight-fifteen. Her plans, however, were dashed when she walked in with her wine glass in one hand, and the bottle of wine in the other, only to find Rick standing there.  
“Rick.” she spoke with mild surprise, gaining his attention.  
“I came to check if Morty had found anything out of the ordinary.” Z-567 greeted her, eyeballing the surrounding area. “But everything seems fi-” he uttered, turning to look at her only to realise that she was wearing that see-through negligee that the Ricks’ had been playing with previously.

Staring at it he slowly let his mouth hang ajar, the entire thing was nothing more than a flimsy fabric bra with a long opaque sheet that flowed down to pool at her feet. Nothing was left to the imagination with that thing on, and if it weren’t for the lace design on the bra at the top he probably would have been able to see her nipples as well.  
“Like what you see?” Crystal mocked smugly, circling him slightly after putting her wine glass and bottle down on the table next to her popcorn.  
“I, err...” he answered, rotating on the spot to continue to be facing her suspiciously when he realised she was circling in on him like a preying cat. Being pushed backwards Rick tensed when he fell into the leather captain’s chair, and then froze in place when she got onto his lap to straddle him.  
“You know, without that Morty Cap on I’ve been able to do some real thinking.” Crystal stated, playing with the tuft of cyan blue hair below his ear.  
“Sounds dangerous.” he replied, regaining his confidence.

Humming Crystal continued to play with his hair, gently squeezing his shoulders before running her hands down his collar.  
“Mmm, yes.” she agreed, grabbing the lapels on his coat. “Do you want to see a trick?” she asked gently, making direct eye contact with him as she opened the belt that held his coat closed at his hips.  
“I, err...” he began, a chill going down his spine when she yanked his coat open, unbuttoning it in a single stroke without tearing a single black clasp off in the process. “Ohhhhkaaay.” he then spoke in shock, watching her stick her hands up his black turtle neck jumper seconds later and start to stroke his stomach and chest gently. “Are you really seventy?” she questioned, lifting his jumper up that little bit more so that she could admire his abdomen. He was not ripped but he was not disappointingly thin either.

Squinting one of his eyes he watched her carefully as she yanked on his coat to get the sleeves down by his elbows, momentarily restricting his movement so that she could go for the belt around the hem of his brown trousers.  
“Oi!” he barked, sparking into life to sit up and wriggle his arms out of his coat. Unbuckling his belt Crystal yanked on the metal buckle during his struggle, pulling it right out of the loops to then blindly throw it across the room in a whipping motion, the metal cracking off of the floor loudly. “I didn’t give you permission to-” he protested, stiffening when she bit his lower lip.  
“I don’t care, Rick.” the redhead stated, kissing his lower jaw in several places. “I want to know what real sex feels like again.” she mumbled, sucking on his ear lobe. “I’m so turned on right now...” she whispered breathlessly into his ear, to which the cyan haired guard grit his teeth and tried to control himself when she started to roll her hips and grind against him sensually.  
“Not here.” he grunted slowly, wincing when she began sucking on his neck.  
“Why not?” she questioned, pulling away to stroke his chest.

During this respite from her sexual advances Rick managed to shake the lust clouding his mind and pulled himself into an upright sitting position in the chair.  
“I’m not into sex in wide open spaces.” he admitted stiffly, causing her to gape her mouth ever so slightly.  
“But we’re in a ship...” she uttered slowly, looking around with a small frown, her hands ceasing their stroking motion. Rick at this point did not speak, but she could tell from the look on his face that he did not seem particularly comfortable with talking about the subject. “Okay… Let’s take this to my bedroom then?” she suggested, slipping off of his lap to tug him to his feet. “I think you’ll fit...” she murmured as an afterthought.  
“What?” he questioned, being led towards the corridor. Stood by a flat wall Rick watched as she pulled open a hidden compartment, one half of his monobrow hitching as she turned a light on inside and then moved out of the way to let him get in first.  
“You sleep in a box?” he asked, sticking his head inside to look around the confined area.  
“This ship wasn’t built for more than one person.” she answered with a shrug.

Clambering in and up towards the back Rick found it to be an awkward feat when he was so lanky, his head bent slightly as he leaned on his elbows to get his feet into the box.  
“Not very comfortable, is it?” Crystal uttered, giving him an apologetic look as she tried to climb in after him. Sliding the door shut the panel slid back into place, secluding them from prying eyes.  
“It’s… different.” he uttered, looking around the box awkwardly as Crystal crawled up him. From outside their voices mingled as they bickered over who should put their leg where, pausing at certain points to protest about a foot or elbow digging into the other person’s body. Eventually Crystal lay underneath Rick, their noses inches from each other as they frowned at the other.  
“Terr-terrible engineering.” the cyan haired guard scoffed.  
“You wouldn’t be complaining if you were in deep space and it was really cold.” she replied, turning the heated mattress on.  
“That is pretty nice…” Rick admitted, feeling his hands and knees warming up.  
“The bed has a vibrate option too.” she told him smoothly, switching it on.

A few minutes later Rick and Crystal were laying entangled up together, a small television that could be pulled down from the ceiling sitting just above their chests as they watched interdimensional television.  
“This is nice…” the redhead whispered, resting her head on his shoulder while he had his arm underneath her with his hand stroking her back.  
“Mm.” he replied lazily, flicking through the channels absent-mindedly.  
“We’re not very good at this whole sex thing.” Crystal snorted, a small smile on her face.  
“There’s no point rushing it.” he replied, stopping on a channel about a man who eats shit.  
“Oh, that is just nasty.” Crystal commented. “Is he dared to do that?” she questioned.  
“He-He actually likes eating shit.” Rick informed her, her face screwing up.  
“Is it different from normal shit?” she questioned.  
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Doofus Rick.” Z-567 replied simply.  
“Who?” the redhead asked curiously.  
“He’s-He’s a-a Rick from earth, dimension J19ζ7. Exact same dimension as that guy. Eats his own shit to.” Rick explained, causing her to furrow her brow.

On another channel there was an intermission about a special cream called ‘turbulent juice.’  
“Oh wow, look how clean that stuff made the sinks and toilet… I could use some of that...” Crystal gasped, completely ignoring the fact that it turned skinny, weak men into strong, muscular Adonis’.  
“It’s Tyurbrunk spunk.” Rick casually informed her.  
“What?” she asked, turning to look at him.  
“They jack off these things called Tyurbrunk and bottle it.” Rick reiterated.  
“Oh god...” the redhead grimaced. “How come cable never advertises something that isn’t weird?” she asked, seeing that familiar advert for real fake doors. “Now there’s something useful.” she stated.  
“S-Seriously?” Rick belched, hitching one side of his eyebrows.  
“Sure, you could install them in front of your bedroom; then, when a Rick comes along he just thinks ‘oh, that’s just a fake door, I guess Rick’s room isn’t here’.” Crystal suggested. “No more people walking in on you.” she then mocked.

Grunting Rick drank from his flask and then went back to resting it on his chest, the pair sitting in silence again as the television rambled on about something she did not particularly care for.  
“So… Do you think we’ll keep in touch after tomorrow?” the redhead enquired casually.  
“If Quantum stays in contact with Lucy then you’ll probably see me around.” Rick replied dismissively.  
“Ah...” Crystal murmured, staring up at the ceiling. “That’s good.” she then spoke after a long pause. “How will we-” she then went to ask, tilting her head to the side to see that Rick had fallen asleep. Watching his flask dangerously tilt forwards, threatening to spill all over his face, she gently took it from him and placed it at the top corner of the bed before turning the television off and putting it back up into the ceiling. Thereafter she quietly pulled a blanket over the two of them and then put out the lights, deciding she would enjoy his company until she woke up and presumably found him gone.

Finally the day had come for them to leave, with Lucy saying her goodbyes to the Ricks’ and Mortys’ while Crystal sat in her captain’s chair preparing for launch.  
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” her sister asked, entering the cabin to see the redhead sitting there in a pair of baggy sweat pants and a vest, her ‘driving’ clothes as she called them.  
“You didn’t say goodbye for me?” the redhead asked, flicking a few holographic projections away from her line of sight.  
“Well, yeah, but...” the blonde trailed off.  
“I’ll no doubt see them again if you’re still planning on keeping in contact with Quantum.” Crystal shrugged, finally ready to get this ship off the ground.  
“I guess...” Lucy agreed, sitting down in the co-pilot’s chair. “Did the holiday help?” she then spoke, popping the big question.

For a moment Crystal was silent, her green eyes shifting as she charted a course for their next destination.  
“Yeah.” she spoke, stroking the empty flask resting inside her jumper pocket that Rick had left behind. “I think I’ll be okay.” she surmised, hiding a small smile.


End file.
